When I was ten with my dog Laddie and baby brother

 

Joshua's Animals after Suicide

 Joshua left LiahNora the cat and Heinrich the rottwieler. I never considered that animals may truly miss their owners. 

 Heinrich mopped and ate little. I went to the feed store to stock up on dogfood and told the clerk something was wrong with Heinrich. He asked me questions and one led to me saying, "Our son, Heinrich's owner died recently."

The clerk blinked. "I'm sorry for your loss, ma'am. Heinrich is in mourning."

Now it was my turn to blink. "Really?"

"Yes. Animals feel the loss when owners are gone. It is a proven fact."

I thanked the clerk, went home, and cried on Heinrich's neck. I spent more time with him. Played frisbee and ball together. Eventually Heinrich became the happy dog who ate all his food.

Just days after Joshua's suicide, I was cleaning up in his room. His cat Liahnora stood on the windowsill outside. Several days in a row she did this when I was in there. Liahnora missed Joshua also. I spent time with her even though I was allergic to cats. I gave her pets and sat on the front porch so she could rub her head against me.

Five years later, my husband retired and we moved to my homestate. For our last load of belongings, we filled the bed of the picked with outdoor things and Heinrich's doghouse in the center. He seemed excited as he pressed his muzzle against the screened-in opening of the doghouse. Little did he know our trip would be long. 

As we drove along the Interstate, some people may have thought we reminded them of the Beverly Hillbillies. 

If you are in need of prayer, please comment and I will pray. ~Jean~ 

 

 

When Family Cannot Help after Suicide Loss

My Author friend, Becky, on the left

Even though our family clung together the first weeks after Joshua's suicide, a time came when most of them withdrew. 

They were hurting also. Yet as the mother of the loss, I could not understand why some of the family members went silent. I bore this son. I nursed this son. I disciplined this son. I supported him in all his endevors. Woulld I not hurt the most? I began to pray about these seemingly new losses.

As I prayed, friends and acquaints began to reach out. One friend, who was an author, called me. "Jean, you need a writing project." So she told me her idea and years later, twenty to be exact, the project was published into two books: "27 Characters of the Old Testament: Stories & Activities for Children" and "27 Character Traits of the New Testament: Stories & Actitives for Children". 

Another friend met with me weekly at her home or the coffeshop in the village. She stood by me for three years until I moved back to my home state. Another friend withdrew from me, though, which broke my heart. She came to Joshua's memorial and after, we never met together again. We had had a ten year friendship which the suicide severed. Why you may ask? I really don't know, except possibly my grief was more than she could bear. 

I later learned of Compassionate Friends International. I called a local mom who had lost her son and now helped other moms after suicide loss. We talked on the phone several times. She invited me to meet her at a park. During our visit, she said the most profound words I will never forget. "Jean, go through this tunnel of suicide loss and when you reach the other side there will be a gift." 

I gasped and stared at her. "I want that gift." 

The gift I received was compassion for others not only for suicide loss but any loss or hurt people may be suffering. 

 Please let me know if you need prayer. With love in Christ. Jean

What Helped Me to Sleep after Joshua's Suicide

 To say I slept little the first three months after Joshua's sucide is an understatement.

I knew I would break down emotionally if I didn't get help, so off I went to our local health food store. The lady that managed the supplements knew right away what I needed: magnesium. I took the required dose and finally slept five hours without waking.

This was a huge relief. I had enough grieving of my own and of family members that I helped to console and sleep was extra important. 

If anyone needs extra prayer, please comment and I will pray.

My husband, me, and Joshua