Joshua in high school with a friend 

The Year of Firsts

From our experience, that first year after a suicide is the hardest. 

Our son was not there for the fourth of July, or his birthday which sometimes fell on Thanksgiving, nor was he there for Christmas. The holidays and special occasions are heart-wrenching.

I've written the book, "Covered Mercies" for which I explain how we celebrated without our son. I understood for my wellbeing and for our grandchildren's I needed to have this outlook of carrying on in life for these special days of the year.

For Joshua's birthday we had our daughter over with her family. I baked Joshua's favorite chocolate cake, Texas sheet cake. I bought puzzles for the children that we adults could help them put together. It was a sweet, quiet birthday to honor our son, brother, and the granddaughters Uncle Joshy. 

Before and after each celebration, I wept. Yet I sensed a spiritual connection to our Lord and Savior. The act of remembering in a positive way gave me strength and courage to continue in life.

I encourage everyone reading this to try this way of getting through the year of firsts. Be focused. Pray. Give thanks for small blessings that God gives to you each day after suicide loss. 

I always pray over each post, and I will pray for you personally. Contact me at jeanann_w@yahoo.com. 

God bless each of you,

jean

 

Our New Backyard

After Joshua died by suicide, we stayed in the house where he died for almost three and a half years. It was almost more than I could bear.

If it had not been for Lord God, I would have died there. Yet God had other plans for me. We put the house on the market and within six months sold it and moved to Oregon. My home state.

We found an acre of land with house and garage and my husband and I built a small goat and chicken farm over the ten years we lived there.

It was a peaceful place to digest life without Joshua.

People were shocked that when my husband retired we kept with our plan to move back to Oregon. Why should we change our plans? Besides, we could not buy a house with a small yard in California for what we paid for the acre of land with a house.

We brought Joshua's dog and cat with us where they died there of old age. That was another heartbreaker.

Lord God was very good to us there. Then it was time to move on after ten years. We were without a home for nine months as we looked for another property to grow old on.

If you need prayer, reach out to me at jeanann_w@yahoo.com

Jean

 

SSRI's and Contracted Withdrawal

Please watch this short video before you wean off of SSRIs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhK2pPk4F7s