What My Granddaughter Said

We established a routine as grandparents that our three eldest granddaughters would take turns to spend the weekend. They lived close by, and it was always a wonderful time baking together, taking them to eat out, and playing table games.

Two months after Joshua's suicide, it was Lynsey's turn but I had put her off as I was too weepy. I did not want to upset her as she was sad enough by losing her Uncle Joshy to suicide.

Yet Lynsey would not hear of that excuse.

My daughter called twice to relay the message that it was Lynsey's turn and wondered when could she spend the weekend. I told my daughter, "I will only upset her with my tears. I seem to have no control over them right now."

"Okay, Mom. I'll tell her."

A few weeks later, my daughter called a third time. "Mom, Lynsey does not care if you cry. She wants to spend the weekend."

I sighed. I prayed a quick prayer for wisdom and then said, "Honey, I will probably cry at some point."

"She says she doesn't care."

"Okay. Bring her over on Friday after school."

Unless you are wondering, this little girl was only eight years old.

As determined as she was to be with us, I was determined to not cry in her presence. Yet that first night as I prayed with her before she slept, I began to weep. "I'm sorry, honey," I said, "I cry when I least expect it and seem to have no control."

Lynsey stared at me with a serious expression and said, "It's okay, Nana, sometimes I have to cry and I feel better afterward."

This. This filled me with awe at her young wisdom. If Joshua had a favorite it was Lynsey. He paid extra attention to her and took more photos of her than of the other two granddaughters.

Father God uses others to comfort us. That night, He used an eight-year-old to encourage me.

Fast forward ten years later. Lynsey called me and said in a serious voice, "Nana, I read your book."

I was so excited as I thought she read my first fiction book for middle graders. Not so. Her mama told me a few years later that Lynsey read God's Mercies after Suicide: Blessings Woven through a Mother's Heart.

My daughter went on to say, "Mom, Lynsey said to me, 'I now better understand Nana.'

Ahhh, my wise granddaughter.

If anyone needs personal prayer, please email me at jeanann_w@yahoo.com.

God bless your week.

jean 

 I Speak Jesus

Even Against Depression

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZGhXe0o6e0&list=RDsZGhXe0o6e0&start_radio=1

Joshua in high school with a friend 

The Year of Firsts

From our experience, that first year after a suicide is the hardest. 

Our son was not there for the fourth of July, or his birthday which sometimes fell on Thanksgiving, nor was he there for Christmas. The holidays and special occasions are heart-wrenching.

I've written the book, "Covered Mercies" for which I explain how we celebrated without our son. I understood for my wellbeing and for our grandchildren's I needed to have this outlook of carrying on in life for these special days of the year.

For Joshua's birthday we had our daughter over with her family. I baked Joshua's favorite chocolate cake, Texas sheet cake. I bought puzzles for the children that we adults could help them put together. It was a sweet, quiet birthday to honor our son, brother, and the granddaughters Uncle Joshy. 

Before and after each celebration, I wept. Yet I sensed a spiritual connection to our Lord and Savior. The act of remembering in a positive way gave me strength and courage to continue in life.

I encourage everyone reading this to try this way of getting through the year of firsts. Be focused. Pray. Give thanks for small blessings that God gives to you each day after suicide loss. 

I always pray over each post, and I will pray for you personally. Contact me at jeanann_w@yahoo.com. 

God bless each of you,

jean