Deeper and Deeper

Into the heart of Jesus, deeper and deeper I go,
Seeking to know the reason why He should love me so,
Why He should stoop to lift me up from the miry clay,
Saving my soul, making me whole, Tho’ I had wandered a way.

The title of the song above is “Into the Heart of Jesus (Deeper and Deeper)” and this is the first stanza.

I identify with these words.

At one point in my first few years of grieving the loss of my son from suicide, I lost tracked of my own soul. Crushed and mangled, I lost my way. My need for God to stop the pain was so intense; I got only silence at God’s end. Was He waiting for my spiritual self to arrive at a certain place? Yes, for that is the way He could help me, once I lay the grief, sorrow, and pain at His perfect feet.

When I came to that place, I once more could hear His shepherd’s voice. I also sensed His angel’s comforting me, as His angels comforted Jesus. Though I felt solemn for several weeks after, I also experienced a peace that can only come from God.

"Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." Hebrews 12:11 (KJV)

We need patience, for God’s timing is not always ours. I needed to go through the struggles, so that my faith in God would increase. Remember, as children of God, we agree to take up His cross and follow Him—in everything. We don’t have the authority to pick and choose. God decides how best we are to suffer for our spiritual growth. Remember that word pruning? And, He always wants us to know spiritual joy afterward.

I still miss my son, Joshua. That will never stop. I must look for joy in other areas of my life, though. The utmost important being, God sent His Son to die on a cross so we may live with Him forever in heaven.

On that path, deeper and deeper we go.

Until next time . . . seek Him.