 | |
| photo by Jean Ann Williams |
“But you, O LORD,
are on high forever.”
—Psalm 92:8
I punched in my
friend’s phone number and got her answering machine.
Again, after my
third attempt to reach her.
I wrinkled my
brow and hung up this time without leaving a message. What was going on? Why
wouldn’t she call me back? Surely, she wasn’t avoiding me after years of
friendship.
I waited for her
to call me as my birthday came and left. Now, I waited for her call when her
birthday passed within a month of mine. What about our annual birthday lunch?
Did she forget? Feeling sad over her silence, I received her Christmas card in
the mail. She did not write anything but her name. No “how are you doing?” No
glowing words like she used to write.
I blinked as I
reread her signature.
Did I mean so
little to her when I needed her most? If I’d done something wrong, I knew her
well enough to know that she was not afraid to confront. Now, I had a new loss
to grieve. I struggled through all those stages of sorrow and anger.
Much later, I
spoke to my hospice therapist about feeling abandoned by someone I thought of
as a good friend. The therapist said, “You know, Jean, it’s another loss for
sure. But some people don’t know what to say or do when someone they know
suffers a loss from suicide.” She shrugged. “Your friend might feel you are
better off without her.”
I squeezed my
eyes to keep the tears back. “She’s my best friend.”
“I’m so sorry,
Jean.” The counselor was shaking her head, and her eyes had filled with tears.
Father God, I’m so sorry also. I don’t know
that I will be able to understand how my friend could leave our relationship
without an explanation. I feel wronged. Please help me to forgive her. In
Jesus’s holy name. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment