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| photo taken by Jean Ann Williams |
“My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is
the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”
—Psalm 73:26 KJV
I needed to move
forward in my grieving, but at the same time, I grew fearful of the idea.
I stood next to
the apple tree on the patio as the war struggled within my heart. I hated my
existence that consisted of misery and longing for my son. A son I could no
longer see, touch, or talk with. However, I didn’t want to forget Joshua, and
to stop grieving would feel like forgetting. To move forward sounded like
betrayal of my youngest child.
A breeze drifted
through the yard, stirring with it a hint of fall. “God, help me,” I begged.
Not one prone to idle hands, I grabbed the garden hose and watered the apple
tree. When I moved to stand under the tree, I scowled. It had never given us a
good crop of apples.
My heart drove me
back to my dilemma, and I whispered, “Lord, I know you haven’t forsaken me, but
it feels like You have. I hate my convoluted feelings. I’m so messed up.”
Right then, my
shoulder thumped against a round object. I bent my neck to take in the
underneath of the tree. Dozens and dozens of Red Delicious apples dangled,
filling in the branches.
I gasped. “How
did I miss all these apples?” Then I remembered that Joshua had watered the
tree the year before until I thought he would drown it. Maybe he knew exactly
what he was doing.
Father, thank You for giving us this bounty
of fruit. In Jesus’s name, I’m glad to see his efforts have lived on. Amen
A Mother’s Memories
The year before
he died, Joshua spent an unusual amount of time watering our apple tree.
I doubted all
that watering he did that fall and winter would help the tree. For the four
years we lived in our new home, the tree gave little or no fruit.
One morning,
Joshua stood out by the tree and watered for a full hour. I shook my head and
came outside to discuss our water bill with him. “Son, I think you’re watering
way too much.”
He turned to me.
“What makes you say that?”
I pointed at the
ground. “You’re overwatering the tree, and the water bill is getting too high.”
“Mom,” Joshua
said in his patient voice, “this tree needs water, or it won’t give fruit.”
Beneath the tree
looked like a mud puddle. “All right, Son, but I don’t agree.” I walked back
into the house. Sometimes there’s no changing Joshua’s mind.
Joshua ignored my
comment, of course, and he kept watering that silly tree, and our water bill
stayed higher than normal.
Lord, I grow more impatient with Joshua’s
extreme behavior. Please give me patience with my son. In Jesus’s holy name.
Amen.
Reader Journal
~Your Mother Memories~
~Your Prayer of Praise~
~A Scripture of Encouragement~
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