Even though our family clung together the first weeks after Joshua's suicide, a time came when most of them withdrew.
They were hurting also. Yet as the mother of the loss, I could not understand why some of the family members went silent. I bore this son. I nursed this son. I disciplined this son. I supported him in all his endevors. Woulld I not hurt the most? I began to pray about these seemingly new losses.
As I prayed, friends and acquaints began to reach out. One friend, who was an author, called me. "Jean, you need a writing project." So she told me her idea and years later, twenty to be exact, the project was published into two books: "27 Characters of the Old Testament: Stories & Activities for Children" and "27 Character Traits of the New Testament: Stories & Actitives for Children".
Another friend met with me weekly at her home or the coffeshop in the village. She stood by me for three years until I moved back to my home state. Another friend withdrew from me, though, which broke my heart. She came to Joshua's memorial and after, we never met together again. We had had a ten year friendship which the suicide severed. Why you may ask? I really don't know, except possibly my grief was more than she could bear.
I later learned of Compassionate Friends International. I called a local mom who had lost her son and now helped other moms after suicide loss. We talked on the phone several times. She invited me to meet her at a park. During our visit, she said the most profound words I will never forget. "Jean, go through this tunnel of suicide loss and when you reach the other side there will be a gift."
I gasped and stared at her. "I want that gift."
The gift I received was compassion for others not only for suicide loss but any loss or hurt people may be suffering.
Please let me know if you need prayer. With love in Christ. Jean
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