When Joshua died by suicide at age twenty-five, I needed a light unto my path. At first my family and I were shocked, but later, the path became littered with despair, fear, and more fear, and guilt. When the psalmist says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path," (Psalm 119:105) that's not mere pretty prose. God's words saved my life.
Try to imagine your young son, struggling his whole life with pain and illnesses. Try to imagine caring for him through all that like the most important job ever. Then, one day to watch him die. By his own hand. The horrors my husband and I suffered are too graphic, but God knows. His love shielded us even from our own selves.
I learned to keep my Bible with me. I would hold it in my lap when I felt my very skin crawl from me. While holding that book was I still in misery? You know it. Was I wishing to die? Yes. Jesus helped me to hang onto this world, though, as I longed for the next.
Today, six years later, I am a strong daughter of a King. I don't mince words when it comes to our Savior. I want people to know how much Jesus our Lord loves us. So much so, that he came down from heaven, became a man, and died for our sins.
That's Grace. Those first four years, I needed all the assurance God could pour into me. For the guilt of losing my son nearly took my life.
Parents, know that we aren't perfect and we will make mistakes. Know that God will forgive us, if we but follow his teachings. Read his Word, the Bible, and do what he says. You will have a light unto your path.
If you've lost a child to suicide, please write me and I'll pray for you.
Until next time . . . discover God's path!
