Tuesday, August 20, 2013

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Cherry Blossoms in My Yard

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

"O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be."

"O joy that seekest me thru pain,
I cannot close my  heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow thru the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be."

*Text: Cecil F. Alexander
* Music: William H. Jude
 verses one and three

I discovered this hymn recently, and it speaks so well about the time following Joshua's suicide.

I had to share this with you, dear reader. If I've failed to explain well enough the height of Love that God has shown to me, parts of this hymn should.

Do you see, dear reader? How could I not choose life? I knew God was listening even if I didn't feel Him. The line in the song above, "I cannot close my heart to Thee," is a choice. I made that choice. I walked through the God door and did not look back.

But, then, I grew weary with the months of grief and wanted to quit. I wasn't seeking to quit because God failed me. Oh, no. I wanted to throw in my whole life and walk away because I came to the end of myself. At the very end. On the edge of the cliff. I found: "I rest my weary soul in Thee; I give Thee back the life I owe."

Psalm 116:2 shows the results of God's faithfulness for my life now:

"Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live."

Thank you, Holy God, Father of all creation, for listening to me when my life cracked in the loss of my son. You held me up when I could no longer. I'm grateful. In Jesus' holy name. Amen.

Until next time . . . sing a hymn.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Psalm 102:27~Thy Years Shall Have No End

Beautiful Southern Oregon                              photo by Jean Williams

Dear readers,

The Psalmist writes:

"But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end."

After my son, Joshua, died by suicide nine years ago, I wandered around my house and thought: You are the same, God. You never change. You have always been and will always be. Even though it feels my life is over . . . and I would repeat parts or all of this to find comfort.

I talked consistently to God. I had to or go insane. My brain would flip out so easily after Joshua died. I couldn't wrap my mind around his death. Gone. No more. Let alone how he died. How could a child of mine be so miserable as to end his life?

Confused, I wanted to die myself and talking to God was my only sane thoughts at times.

Can you imagine knowing Someone who shall have no end?

I needed to know that Someone even better after Joshua died. I had to fill up the gaping hole in my heart with good. God is good. So, I talked to Him day and night.

You may ask, weren't you angry at God? How can you call Him good when He allowed your son to die?

God gives everyone of us free choice. Even when we become victims of believing a lie, it is our free choice.

I'll never understand how this could have happened to our family, but it can happen to anyone's so why not mine?

Scripture teaches, it rains on the just and the unjust: "That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45 KJV

Losing a child at any age or for whatever cause is enough to send any parent over the edge. The only reason I didn't fall off the edge is for one reason and one only: Lord God.

I learned to truly believe like this verse of scripture shows: "Bless the Lord, O my soul. O Lord my God, thou art very great; thou art clothed with honour and majesty."

Father in heaven, You are more wonderful than we humans can imagine. As one verse of Psalm states, You walk upon the wings of the wind. * I believe in You, Lord, and want to walk with You all the days for the rest of my life. In Jesus' holy name, I pray. Amen.

*Psalm 104:3

Until next time . . . be willing to believe.