Monday, March 30, 2015

God's Mercies after Suicide~Saint Patrick's Day Mid-Morning



photo by Jean Ann Williams
Saint Patrick’s Day Mid-Morning

“They will console you, when you see their ways and their deeds, and you shall know that I have not done without cause all that I have done in it, declares the Lord GOD.”
—Ezekiel 14:23

Jason and his dad hung the Irish flag in honor of a brother and son.
     
Soon after, family came to comfort. My pain was too great to bear alone, so I unburdened the horror of what happened. I grew tired quickly, though, and my mind dulled because I was unable to accept the reality of Joshua’s death.
     
I would never have imagined how God could bring joy into the day. Its noise flowed in the squeals and laughter of our seven grandchildren. I found myself smiling at them, but then I felt sad once again. Joshua would not see them grow up, nor ever meet the new baby.
     
Would the older children forget Uncle Joshy?
     
My thoughts were interrupted when someone told me I had visitors at the front door.
     
My gentle friend Mona and her husband stood on our porch. They held love in their hands: sheet music that they wanted to perform for Joshua’s memorial. I chose “Danny Boy” and allowed them to decide on the hymns. We held hands. Whispered prayers fell from their lips, flowing from their hearts to mine. That dried my tears for the moment. I drew strength from their confidence in God, earth angels in action.

Thank You, Holy Father, for blessing us with children and with folks who do Your angel work. In Jesus’s name. Amen

A Mother’s Memories

Joshua held up a ratty kitten. “Look, Mama, I found him.”
     
My husband grinned. “Joshua heard the kitten in an alley. We dug it out of the trash.”
     
I shook my head. “But, honey, you know I’m allergic to cats. Where will we keep it?” Before my husband could answer, I pointed at the kitten. “That thing is so filthy. See? It’s crawling with fleas.”
     
Joshua cuddled the kitten tighter. “I’ll give him a bath, Mama,” and off our little guy ran.

With another grin—more sheepish this time—my husband nodded. “I’ll help.”

I stood alone in our living room. I’ve been outnumbered. Going about my kitchen chores, my heart softened at how Joshua’s eyes danced from finding the cat. I shrugged and said to no one in the room, “You guys are responsible for its care.”

The sounds of the kitten carried into the kitchen. It splashed and yeowed in distress. Minutes later, Joshua brought to me the wet scrawny cat wrapped in a towel. “See, Mama, he’s all clean.”

I peered at Joshua’s pet. “We need to feed him some milk.”

My son’s lips curved into a smile. “Yep, he’s hungry.”

Lord, even though I was not happy about the kitten, You blessed Joshua with a new friend. I enjoyed seeing my son happy. In Jesus’s name, I’m grateful for this memory. Amen.

Reader Journal

~Your Mother Memories~

~Your Prayer of Praise~

~A Scripture of Encouragement~

Friday, March 27, 2015

God's Mercies after Suicide~Saint Patrick's Day Upon Rising



 
photo by Jean Ann Williams

Upon Rising

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty."
—Psalm 91:1

We got up that first morning, anticipating our older son Jason’s arrival from a distance of five hundred miles.
     
We found out later he had stopped in the night to sleep for three hours, and then drove the rest of the way to our home. At six a.m., we opened the door to his knock. His mouth was turned down, and he was ready to sob. His blue eyes were dulled by shock. We, his parents, collapsed into his arms in childlike abandonment. The three of us sobbed within our huddle.
     
Jason’s wife and their three children gave us a few moments to talk with Jason, and then they got out of the vehicle. I hugged my grandchildren, hung on a bit too long, and kissed their faces. My daughter-in-law stood before me, with a pale and wounded expression. The baby she carried inside her belly was barely six months in gestation. My grandchild moved the moment we embraced. Thump. I felt the baby smack against my stomach.
     
I drew back in surprise. “The baby kicked me.”
     
My daughter-in-law stared at me, waiting, I’m sure, for me to sob. Right then, though, my heart felt glad. I thanked God for the unborn child who grew inside the warm and safe place she called home. I sensed this child would be strong of character.

Even in our time of sorrow, Lord, You give me hope for the future by way of a kick from a baby in the womb. In Jesus’s name, I thank You. Amen

A Mother’s Memories

I have stored in my heart my two boys asleep on the bed together when Joshua was a roly-poly five-month-old.
     
It often happened that spring and summer that they napped in the same bed. Jason would sing Joshua to sleep with a Jesus song. Later, I’d take a snapshot of the two in a snuggled position. I have one picture of Jason’s back to Joshua, and Joshua’s leg slung over and resting on Jason’s side.
     
At those moments, my eyes glistened for joy and the honor of being their mother. Of seeing my two sons bonded, the younger learning he could trust the elder.

Father, You’ve blessed me with two sons, and I’m most joyful. In Jesus’s name. Amen

Reader Journal

~Your Mother Memories~

~Your Prayer of Praise~

~A Scripture of Encouragement~

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

God's Mercies after Suicide~Saint Patrick's Day


photo by Rachel Lyn Wilcoxin




Saint Patrick’s Day before Dawn

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
—Isaiah 41:10

My husband and I woke long before dawn the next morning from a night of fitful dozing.
     
Saint Patrick’s Day had been a time to consider our Irish heritage, but Joshua’s soldier heart had left the battle of life on Earth.
     
I leaned against the headboard and sobbed. Within minutes of waking, the phone rang at my bedside table. Candy Arlington, the coauthor of the suicide survivor book Aftershock, was on the other line. When she identified herself as a friend of a friend, I said, “Please, pray for us right now.”

She began to pray the Lord’s Prayer loud enough for both of us to hear. And I will never, ever, forget how comforting that moment was. God’s tender mercy came in the form of a person, Candy, to meet with us in our loneliest hour.
     
I knew right then, God heard us and saw our need.
     
After the prayer, Candy spoke reassuring words and ended the call by saying she would mail her book to me. Later, I would find hope within its pages. As I read Aftershock, it became clear to me that countless mothers had been losing children since the beginning of time.
     
Eve lost her son Abel, and I had lost my son Joshua.

Father, You sent Candy to us. A divine appointment. You use Your saints to show how much You care and to prove You will never leave or forsake us. In Jesus’s name, I’m grateful. Amen.

A Mother’s Memories

Within two weeks of bringing him home from the hospital, Joshua caught his first cold.
     
More colds and ear infections followed throughout his first winter. The side effects of the antibiotics tore at his stomach.
     
When Joshua was four months old, we moved out of the house for two days and a night and had the house sprayed for fleas, thinking that these insects had caused the red welts on his body. The next morning he had a fever and was covered with even more dime-sized welts.
     
My husband picked up Joshua’s bottle of liquid antibiotics. “What’s in this?” When he read the label and saw that it was cherry flavored, he said we had to take Joshua to the hospital.
     
The doctor ordered a blood test. The results showed Joshua had an infection in his blood system, most likely caused by the cherry flavoring. The doctor prescribed a mint-flavored antibiotic, warning us to allow no other flavoring in Joshua’s medication.
     
I sighed in relief and took my baby home.

Father, thank You for hearing my prayer to help Joshua. In Jesus’s name. Amen.
Reader Journal

~Your Mother Memories~

~Your Prayer of Praise~

~A Scripture of Encouragement~