Thursday, March 25, 2010

Six Years And I Miss You More: God's Timing

March 16th marked the sixth anniversary of Joshua's death by suicide. In honor of Joshua, I've included his grave stone. Notice the engraved photo of a dog on the stone. That's in memory of his old dog, Harloe, the rottweiler.

Months before Joshua's anniversary death date, I prayed for extra strength for that hard day ahead. I wanted my husband and I to be rocks with no tears. God honored my request. I became teary-eyed a few days before March 16th, but on that day, my husband and I cheered each other. Sounds impossible, even to me, but with God all is possible.

It is possible, also, to heal and to help others who go down this path of sorrow. I'd like to help others to avoid this path. It was made easier because God press upon me to embrace the sixth year mark with hope. The day after March 16th, we now go through the seventh of all special days, holidays, notable moments. Number seven is one of God's numbers, meaning it has significance. Number seven helps me to look to the future.

For now, God uses me in a narrowed focus to help other families through this blog and in conversation. All the while, I am praying for a doctor to co-author a book with me about the very topics I've blogged. I do believe that person will come in God's timing.

As I wrote on the first post, I placed Joshua's box of journals next to my desk. I still haven't opened them and read, but this year I can see myself doing that. God knows when I will have his blessed courage to read Joshua's thoughts. He knows when I can read them without feeling horror.

If there is nothing else I've learned, it is that God loves me and hears my prayers.

God bless all my readers.

Until next time . . . pray.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Your Health Will Suffer, But . . .

If you've suffered a loss from suicide, please take good care of your body, mind, and soul.

I failed on this account in some ways. In other ways, I did well. Like I said in a recent post, the day after Joshua's memorial I ate as if my life depended on it. I weighed 104 and in five years gained fifty-eight pounds.

Alcohol nor drugs, prescribed or otherwise, ever crossed my lips. Sometimes wine sounded real good, for I wanted to forget my pain. But, that first hour after Joshua's death, I made a choice. I would not turn my back on Jesus. The body is weak, though, and my stress level rose.

The first six months after our son's suicide, my husband and I could not sleep for more than three hours. Good sleep escaped us for three years, and I often sobbed until exhausted. Dairy foods and chocolate kept me going, though.

My sister-in-law told me to rest as much as possible, because my health would decline. Five years later, my gallbladder hurt when I woke in the mornings. My body swelled and my eyes turned yellow.

Soon, I couldn't eat or drink water without becoming nauseated. My husband and I researched on how to cleanse my gallbladder. To begin with, I began a water fast. I added juices to my diet. Then, I began the gallstone cleanse of eating grated beets mixed with olive oil. I waited for the stones to pass and did light exercise. The only time the gallbladder pain eased was when I walked two miles a day.

In the mean time, my family encouraged to me to go to the emergency room. I had already lost two organs, and I dreaded losing another. When I first saw my yellow eyes, I prayed, asking God to guide my decisions.

After three weeks of tremendous pain, I made a decision. If I didn't improve by the next morning, I needed to see the doctor. I prayed that night for God to help me. As tears of resignation fell, I said, "Lord, your will not mine. I will trust in you."

After I spoke those words, I felt a tingling sensation in my gallbladder. It grew to a tickle, and I laughed. Over the next three weeks, I passed many stones.

Right around that time, my husband ordered a book "The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse" by Andreas Moritz. I read the book over the course of a week, learning the steps of how to safely heal the liver and gallbladder. And wouldn't you know it, Moritz says the number one cause of stones is stress.

Over the past year, I've lost over 20 pounds of weight and got rid of three thousand stones. Less you think that is a tremendous amount, Moritz says he's had patients that have passed as many as 20,000. I am seventy percent better and believe I'm more than halfway healed.

I am praising God for the amazing and simple ways we can heal our bodies. I was scared at first, but surgery scared me more. Did I doubt? You better believe it. Whenever I wavered in my faith for God to heal, I would remember to pray.

Until next . . . pray.