Me and Jim in a rare happy moment a year after Joshua's death |
-Psalm 91:4
Dear Reader,
It has been over
a decade since Joshua died by suicide. What I have learned so far is that God
will never leave me. Horrific things happen, but that does not mean God
forsakes us in the difficulty. As I’ve shown you through the true account after
the loss of my son, the Lord has weaved blessings through my heart to ease the
sorrow.
Living in the
house for four more years after Joshua’s death was the hardest part next to the
loss of my son. I truly believed I would not survive. I had many serious talks
with God, asking Him why He was making me stay in the home where Joshua died.
It’s a true saying that God’s timing is always perfect, and the day came when
our house sold and we could move.
God allowed me to
teeter on the edge before our house sold, and one bleak night I almost joined
Joshua in death. But something stopped me from ending my life. That something
is called LOVE, God’s love. And afterward, as I lay in my bed sobbing the rest
of that night, the stubborn part of me was emptied out with every teardrop.
I surrendered my
spirit to God.
I understood
later that He could then begin to reshape me. The woman God has wanted to me to
be—me needing Him for everything. A new me: A not-so-capable, not such a
know-it-all Jean, but a simple Jean.
I’m now a woman
who prays without ceasing—meaning, off and on throughout my days.
What has gotten
easier over the years is the grieving. Now I don’t cry all the time, even
though my heart still aches for Joshua. Often, I can even talk about him
without sobbing. What is still the same is my heart knows when I wake each
morning that someone special is missing in my life. That my world still doesn’t
feel right.
Even that pain
gets less and less, dear readers, for each morning before I rise, I count the
blessings God has given to me while I meet Him with a prayer on my lips.
God bless each of
you who took the time to read parts of this book. My hope is that these words
have blessed you and helped you to grow in our Lord.
In the near
future, at God’s timing, this book will be published. Please join
me in prayer for this story’s upcoming project.
Thank you, holy
Father. In Jesus’s name, I’m grateful.
“He shall cover thee with his feathers, and
under his wings shalt though trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”
—Psalm 91:4
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