I AM THAT I AM

Recently, I read those words spoken by God to Moses in Exodus 3:14, ". . . I AM THAT I AM . . ."

God is telling us that is who he is. I am Jean Ann Williams. You are who you are. God is the I AM. He is our Creator.

Knowing God is our supreme I AM has brought me great comfort. For I wonder, how can a mere person such as myself manage on my own? I can't. For six and a half years I've struggled daily as a suicide survivor. My small world isn't much compared to God's; Creator of the ground I walk upon.

Is this world harsh? Sure. Is this life wrought with pain and misery? Sometimes it feels never ending, but God sends us a reprieve to give us rest. In the meanwhile, the I AM is the first being we should call out to while in great tribulation, especially for parents who lose children. Because when our children die there may be some measure of guilt. No matter that we have spent years or days caring for our babies, only to have them leave this world. That's the least amount of guilt.

What if you've neglected your child in one way or another and then they die? That's more guilt than any parent can shoulder alone. That's horrific loss. Go to God in heartfelt pleading and he will hear you. Pick up his word, the Bible, and seek his answers for your life. There you will find forgiveness and comfort.

Even though I made Joshua my job for his 25 years on this earth, I made many mistakes. I still struggle with some guilt. That's when a sadness overwhelms me. Where do I go? To the Lord, and then he sends people to me, and it brings me back to my tasks on earth.

Read Exodus 3: 13-15, and see in detail what I AM THAT I AM said when Moses asked, ". . . what shall I say to them?"

Until next time . . .

Light Unto My Path

When Joshua died by suicide at age twenty-five, I needed a light unto my path. At first my family and I were shocked, but later, the path became littered with despair, fear, and more fear, and guilt. When the psalmist says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path," (Psalm 119:105) that's not mere pretty prose. God's words saved my life.

Try to imagine your young son, struggling his whole life with pain and illnesses. Try to imagine caring for him through all that like the most important job ever. Then, one day to watch him die. By his own hand. The horrors my husband and I suffered are too graphic, but God knows. His love shielded us even from our own selves.

I learned to keep my Bible with me. I would hold it in my lap when I felt my very skin crawl from me. While holding that book was I still in misery? You know it. Was I wishing to die? Yes. Jesus helped me to hang onto this world, though, as I longed for the next.

Today, six years later, I am a strong daughter of a King. I don't mince words when it comes to our Savior. I want people to know how much Jesus our Lord loves us. So much so, that he came down from heaven, became a man, and died for our sins.

That's Grace. Those first four years, I needed all the assurance God could pour into me. For the guilt of losing my son nearly took my life.

Parents, know that we aren't perfect and we will make mistakes. Know that God will forgive us, if we but follow his teachings. Read his Word, the Bible, and do what he says. You will have a light unto your path.

If you've lost a child to suicide, please write me and I'll pray for you.

Until next time . . . discover God's path!

My Truest Friend: A Poem

Our preacher recently shared a poem with our congregation and it said so much of how I feel about God. So, without further chit chat here it is.

My Truest Friend by Eva Sharp

Why should I be discouraged?
Jesus will not forget.
He knows my every trial,
And He's never failed me yet.

Though shadows dark surround me,
On Him I can depend.
For He will never leave me,
But will keep me to the end.

So I will ever trust Him,
Though the way I cannot see.
For I know His hand is leading,
And His way is the best for me.

God's blessings on us all!

Until next time . . . Pray.