Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Holidays and Our Grief

Even though it's been over five years, the holidays are still hard, hard, hard. No doubt!

My husband and I slog our way through. Christmas without our son, Joshua, is brutal. If it weren't for our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, we simply couldn't do this. I must admit, though, we don't decorate for Christmas anymore. We don't buy a tree. Our hearts are no longer into that aspect of it all.

We still give holiday gifts, but now they are home canned jellies, jams, and foods from our garden. I love giving gifts like that, and I start making them in August and finish up in November. No more holiday shopping for us. It's a relief, really. I can barely handle the ho ho ho's and the happy songs. All the decorations in the stores.

I pray harder and longer during November and December, to help us get through. I count my blessings more often, to maintain a decent attitude. I must admit we get angry still. Hurt from no more Joshua here on earth.

I read the scriptures of when Jesus cried, when he was troubled, and tempted, and I sense a strength that can only come from him. Just knowing Christ suffered everything and more of it than me, makes me know even if no one else understands how I feel, he does. He always will.

All those who loved Joshua and were the closest to him, I say, "We can get through this time of year." We will be saved. "With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)

Until next time, be on your knees in prayer and God will see you through.


  1. I love this post! You have transparently revealed the journey of grief and learning to trust on and lean on God. Beautifully written.

    I have experienced threats of suicide from those I loved and this year I lost a dear friend from suicide. It is heart wrenching. I have been grieving in spurts all year.

    I pray that God will bless you with the strength to grieve what needs more grieving, to feel his comfort as you explore your anger, and that he will continue to help you see things to be grateful for. I also pray that in the proper timing the pain will soften and the holidays will not be so abrasive.

    You're doing great, Jean Ann. You really can make it through the holidays with Jesus in you and with you. Immanuel literally means God with us. So may you grow in your knowledge of Immanuel this holiday season!

    Take good care of yourself as you do important grieving.

  2. Thank you for the encouragement, Tanya! It's good to read a post like yours from a fellow Christian.

    I am truly sad to hear you lost a friend to suicide. My husband and I stay in contact with a few our son's closest friends. I think it reassures them somehow.