Psalm 116:4~Deliver My Soul

From left to right: Heinrich in the background, Joshua's dog, my husband and me 2010

Dear readers,

The Psalmist writes:

"Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul."

Just when I've adjusted to life without my son Joshua with more days of joy and less grief, the anniversaries and the celebrations yank me down. 

I remember then to call upon the name of the Lord. He's an instant comfort that no one else can give, nor any substance like food or drink can satisfy. I'm still sad, dear readers, but Jesus delivers my soul from the too heavy burden of loss. My heart is lighter as He carries me.

Another trigger besides holidays and anniversaries, can be when I'm not feeling well. Maybe it's an illness, or a minor or major injury. Grief will resurface and compound the current suffering that has no connection to the loss of Joshua.

Grief is complicated.

Jesus is not.

I'm complicated.

He still loves me.

Praise the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Until next time . . . let's read our Bibles and learn more about Jesus.

Psalm:116:1~I Love the Lord

My two sons, Jason & Joshua

Dear readers,

"I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications." KJV

You may be wondering how I can agree with this verse, since my son died by suicide nine years ago. I've had to really work through this idea, because I did pray for my son.

Someone said to me right after my son died, "Maybe God did answer our prayers. Joshua is no longer suffering."

Well, maybe. Maybe not.

After nine years, I've seen a pattern of when God answers yes and when He answers no.

God has always said yes when I pray for my spiritual growth. That is God's priority, helping us to become more like Jesus. I came to that realization about four years ago, and this fact has caused me to love and cling to Lord God even more than before.

As to other prayers, I can only say we can pray for people, but we have no control over what others do. Many times the prayers I pray for my loved ones are a yes, because I am careful to ask for God's will in the process. And I am careful to ask that, above all, the person I'm praying for will grow to know God better.

There may be two parts to why I feel my prayers weren't answered regarding my son.

As far as my son goes, he was taking SSRI medications for depression and anxiety. He chose not to get off of them. He saw they were not working for him, but he continued to take them.

On the other hand, maybe I was not asking God the right request for Joshua. I certainly didn't know he was contemplating suicide. Joshua hid that very well from his family.

Holy Father, we are but feeble children of Yours. We stumble about much of the time, but we are still Yours, if we've accepted Jesus as our Savior. Please continue to guide my mind, my words, and my heart so that I may help others in some small way who've lost children to suicide. In Jesus' holy name, I ask. Amen.

Until next time . . . please contact me if you have thoughts on this topic. I'm very open to debate.

Psalm 56:9~For God Is For Me

Joshua's dog Heinrich~12/11/2000-08/04/2011

Dear readers,

David writes:

"When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know for God is for me." KJV

How many of us have had sons or daughters die by suicide and we are left with their pets? My husband and I inherited our son, Joshua's, dog Heinrich and cat LiahNora. At first, I ignored the animals except to feed and water them. However, I became grateful to have something of our son to hold onto. Joshua never married or had children, so his animals were all that was left of him, besides his belongings.

Joshua died in 2004 and Heinrich became ill in 2011. A surgery showed cancer, and at eleven years old, we cared for him at home until he took his last breath. Putting Heinrich down at a vet's office was not an option for us. We couldn't do it. Maybe it was because we were home when Joshua died. All I know is, we needed God to intervene for us on behalf of Heinrich.

Because Heinrich was lingering and suffering, I began to pray, and cry out, "Please, Lord, take Heinrich, so he won't suffer any longer." I prayed that prayer several times a day, until four days later, God relieved us from a difficult decision.

Over the last nine years since Joshua's death, I've felt death itself an enemy to battle against. It has turned me inside out and made me see another side of myself. So I cry unto the Lord and He softens my sorrows. I know He is for me.

Leave a comment if you'd like to share your story of how you dealt with the loss of your child's pet. We parents have different challenges and what works for one does not work for another.

God bless you, dear readers.

Father, You are kind and You know how much we can bear. You heard my cry over Heinrich and made his death easier for him and us. We miss him and are grateful for his many years of service to our family. In Jesus' holy name, I pray. Amen.

Until next time . . . know God will hear.