Soon after Joshua's death we went through his room, sorting through his personal items. We found his handwriting on a crumpled note: Love Truth.
That note hit us like a wave, causing more tears. Why did he write it? Why was it crumpled, and yet saved among his most precious things in a small box? Was this note a clue he left for us?
When we chose Joshua's stone months later, we had engraved upon it LOVE TRUTH.
Joshua loved to debate. He enjoyed a good argument, searching out people's ideas as well as his own. Debating always lit up his eyes and caused an adrenaline surge. Since finding that note, I've determined to Love Truth. To embrace it, seeking God's scriptures. To keep watch and ask God's forgiveness when I lie. For lies and truth can not live in the same heart.
The saddest part of the Love Truth, is that Josh in his final years, lived a lie that snatched his life. The depression and anxiety medications that he took caused him to believe he no longer wanted or needed to live.
Yes, this is why our son is no longer here. The medications fooled his brain. At the beginning, Joshua believed the medications would help him finish college and start his career. He believed he would be able to function somewhat normally, despite his physical disability.
Satan lied to our son, as he lies to all every chance he gets. The photo above is of us and Joshua, three years after he began his medications.
If you have lost a loved one to suicide, here is my favorite scripture. I've dubbed it 'For Depression' and memorized it in those almost unbearable first three and a half years after Joshua's death.
"Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if here be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8) King James Version
Even now, as I write this, I smile. This beautiful scripture saved my life when nothing else could. So, God saved me!
Here's another scripture that comforts the fearfulness that can take hold after a suicide. "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father." (Romans 8:15) KJV
Blessings to all.