This post was planned to be about Joshua as a toddler, but I came across a scripture that excited me.
"For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)
Jesus is that high priest. He understands our failings and sorrows. He has been tempted as we are tempted. Remember the forty days in the wilderness? Jesus met with sorrow, upon sorrow, upon sorrow.
After reading much scripture, I believe God is sad along with us when we lose a loved one. Maybe not like we know sad, but he feels our pain. Now, since Christ is gone on to prepare a place for us in Heaven, the Holy Spirit is here as comforter to those who are baptized into Jesus' blood for the remission of sins. This is our gift.
All this gives me hope, hope, and more hope, because waking up to November 1 is brutal. I wake to an understanding that my world is blown apart. I always grieve harder in November for it is my birthday, without Joshua, and then his birthday. Before Joshua's suicide, I grieved for my grandmother and mother, for they were born in this month.
Through it all, I remember I am grateful. My husband carries me through and holds me as I weep. And when my emotions calm and the tears don't pour like rain, I am always blessed with the reward of more of Jesus' strength. Another words, spiritually I grow a little more.
Oh, yes, and after you've gone through the valley for the hundredth time, it's okay to smile.
Joshua would want me to smile.
Remember Hebrews 4:15, and until next time . . . pray.