Monday, October 11, 2010
Whispers Of God: In the Years After Suicide
The man whispered, "God, speak to me," and a meadow lark sang. But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled, "God, speak to me," and the thunder rolled across the sky. But the man did not listen.
The man shouted, "God show me a miracle," and a life was born. But the man did not notice.
So the man cried out in despair, "Touch me, God, and let me know you are here." Where-upon, God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.
Church of Christ
I want to add, we can most importantly find God in his Word, the scriptures. I think the man above did not seek God there to start. I find time and again when I seek God in his Word and in prayer first, he allows me the wonders of experiencing his creations mentioned above.
God increases our faith and gives us a respite from our sorrows and fears. I love that about God.
Now begins a more difficult time, since Joshua's birthday looms ahead. He would have been 32, making plans for the holidays. But Joshua is no longer here, and last week began a bumpy ride of emotions. I cried out to God with fists clenched. I kept reading his Word and prayed. I had no worries that God wouldn't get me through, the beginning of many long days to come. I even said out loud, "I am miserable. I don't like what I'm going through. Please take this pain from me."
In due time, God did.
Since then, I've been peaceful, but I also awoke a few mornings knowing more sharply I am weak and sinful. God let me see myself. I tend to notice the best in others and in myself, but it's important for a reality check. Hard as that is it will bring forth fruit when I am stronger than ever before, ready to be an example again.
What was my earthly reward? I spent an afternoon in the woods with my husband. So quiet, except for the trickling waters of creeks, the singing birds, and the wind high on the tree tops. Oh, and one jet plane in the distance, just to remind me of reality. God knows me, through and through.
Please understand you are not alone. God watches over us, and he loves more than any human can.
Psalm 119:105, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Until next time . . . read God's Word, pray, and know his joy.