|Beautiful Southern Oregon photo by Jean Williams|
The Psalmist writes:
"But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end."
After my son, Joshua, died by suicide nine years ago, I wandered around my house and thought: You are the same, God. You never change. You have always been and will always be. Even though it feels my life is over . . . and I would repeat parts or all of this to find comfort.
I talked consistently to God. I had to or go insane. My brain would flip out so easily after Joshua died. I couldn't wrap my mind around his death. Gone. No more. Let alone how he died. How could a child of mine be so miserable as to end his life?
Confused, I wanted to die myself and talking to God was my only sane thoughts at times.
Can you imagine knowing Someone who shall have no end?
I needed to know that Someone even better after Joshua died. I had to fill up the gaping hole in my heart with good. God is good. So, I talked to Him day and night.
You may ask, weren't you angry at God? How can you call Him good when He allowed your son to die?
God gives everyone of us free choice. Even when we become victims of believing a lie, it is our free choice.
I'll never understand how this could have happened to our family, but it can happen to anyone's so why not mine?
Scripture teaches, it rains on the just and the unjust: "That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45 KJV
Losing a child at any age or for whatever cause is enough to send any parent over the edge. The only reason I didn't fall off the edge is for one reason and one only: Lord God.
I learned to truly believe like this verse of scripture shows: "Bless the Lord, O my soul. O Lord my God, thou art very great; thou art clothed with honour and majesty."
Father in heaven, You are more wonderful than we humans can imagine. As one verse of Psalm states, You walk upon the wings of the wind. * I believe in You, Lord, and want to walk with You all the days for the rest of my life. In Jesus' holy name, I pray. Amen.
Until next time . . . be willing to believe.