God's Mercies after Suicide~Saint Patrick's Day Upon Rising

 

photo by Jean Ann Williams

Upon Rising

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty."

—Psalm 91:1

We got up that first morning, anticipating our older son Jason’s arrival from a distance of five hundred miles.

     

We found out later he had stopped in the night to sleep for three hours, and then drove the rest of the way to our home. At six a.m., we opened the door to his knock. His mouth was turned down, and he was ready to sob. His blue eyes were dulled by shock. We, his parents, collapsed into his arms in childlike abandonment. The three of us sobbed within our huddle.

     

Jason’s wife and their three children gave us a few moments to talk with Jason, and then they got out of the vehicle. I hugged my grandchildren, hung on a bit too long, and kissed their faces. My daughter-in-law stood before me, with a pale and wounded expression. The baby she carried inside her belly was barely six months in gestation. My grandchild moved the moment we embraced. Thump. I felt the baby smack against my stomach.

     

I drew back in surprise. “The baby kicked me.”

     

My daughter-in-law stared at me, waiting, I’m sure, for me to sob. Right then, though, my heart felt glad. I thanked God for the unborn child who grew inside the warm and safe place she called home. I sensed this child would be strong of character.

Even in our time of sorrow, Lord, You give me hope for the future by way of a kick from a baby in the womb. In Jesus’s name, I thank You. Amen

A Mother’s Memories

I have stored in my heart my two boys asleep on the bed together when Joshua was a roly-poly five-month-old.

     

It often happened that spring and summer that they napped in the same bed. Jason would sing Joshua to sleep with a Jesus song. Later, I’d take a snapshot of the two in a snuggled position. I have one picture of Jason’s back to Joshua, and Joshua’s leg slung over and resting on Jason’s side.

     

At those moments, my eyes glistened for joy and the honor of being their mother. Of seeing my two sons bonded, the younger learning he could trust the elder.

Father, You’ve blessed me with two sons, and I’m most joyful. In Jesus’s name. Amen

Reader Journal

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