Friday, June 12, 2015

Friday, June 12th~God's Mercies after Suicide: Blessings Woven through a Mother's Heart~Classical Music in my Head~Devotion & A Mother's Memories

Our 3 Dimensional Christian band~Jason on the drums, Jami to the right with her back up singer to the left. Joshua is in the background with his tambourine.
“My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long?”
–Psalm 6:3 KJV

At around the seventh month, every morning when I woke, I was still hearing Beethoven’s music in my head.

Even though I enjoyed Beethoven, I hadn’t been listening to classical music. It was too painful, for that was Joshua’s favorite music.

Can someone go insane from all the tears and sorrow? I began to wonder, What was God thinking to allow me to suffer from the loss of Joshua.

One morning, I walked outside and picked a daisy. I plucked its petals and said, “God loves me, He loves me not.” When it came down to the last two petals, I pulled them both. “He loves me.”

A few days later, my friend, Mona, and I met at a cafĂ©. Once again, Mona reassured me as I was sloshing through the path of grief. I stared at her across the table. “I keep hearing classical music in my head. Is something wrong with me?”

Gentle Mona set down her fork and looked off into space for a moment. She met my eyes and pronounced, “Well, Jean, we have to fill our minds with something, and classical music is soothing.”

Lord, You do love me. You gave me Mona, a new friend only a few months before Joshua died. She’s been willing to hold my hand through this journey of misery. I’m grateful for You and Mona. In Jesus’s holy name. Amen.

A Mother’s Memories

“Would you like to attend a Beethoven concert with me, Son?”

Seventeen-year-old Joshua’s eyes brightened. “Yeah, that would be neat.”

As a youngster, Joshua took piano lessons. He caught on with ease and enjoyed Beethoven pieces the most. At his first recital, though, his fingers fumbled on more than a few notes. His eyes grew wide and his shoulders rose. He stopped and sighed, then he picked up where he’d left off.

After the next piano lesson, Joshua came home and said, “I don’t want to play anymore.”

I was towel-drying the dishes. “What? But why?”

“I don’t like recitals, and the teacher says I have to do them.”

“Then keep practicing at home and learn on your own.”

Joshua stuck his head in the refrigerator. “No. I want to learn a new instrument.”

He played a tambourine in our Christian band and later settled on the base guitar. He never touched a piano key again. That didn’t keep him from listening to Beethoven, though, right up until he left us.

Father, how I miss listening to music with my son. How I long to sit near him, saying nothing. In Jesus’s holy name, I’m sad. Amen.
Reader Journal
~Your Mother Memories~
~Your Prayer of Praise~
~A Scripture of Encouragement~

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