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| Our 3 Dimensional Christian band~Jason on the drums, Jami to the right with her back up singer to the left. Joshua is in the background with his tambourine. |
“My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O
LORD, how long?”
–Psalm 6:3 KJV
At around the
seventh month, every morning when I woke, I was still hearing Beethoven’s music
in my head.
Even though I
enjoyed Beethoven, I hadn’t been listening to classical music. It was too
painful, for that was Joshua’s favorite music.
Can someone go
insane from all the tears and sorrow? I began to wonder, What was God thinking
to allow me to suffer from the loss of Joshua.
One morning, I
walked outside and picked a daisy. I plucked its petals and said, “God loves me,
He loves me not.” When it came down to the last two petals, I pulled them both.
“He loves me.”
A few days later,
my friend, Mona, and I met at a café. Once again, Mona reassured me as I was
sloshing through the path of grief. I stared at her across the table. “I keep
hearing classical music in my head. Is something wrong with me?”
Gentle Mona set
down her fork and looked off into space for a moment. She met my eyes and
pronounced, “Well, Jean, we have to fill our minds with something, and
classical music is soothing.”
Lord, You do love me. You gave me Mona, a new
friend only a few months before Joshua died. She’s been willing to hold my hand
through this journey of misery. I’m grateful for You and Mona. In Jesus’s holy
name. Amen.
A Mother’s Memories
“Would you like
to attend a Beethoven concert with me, Son?”
Seventeen-year-old
Joshua’s eyes brightened. “Yeah, that would be neat.”
As a youngster,
Joshua took piano lessons. He caught on with ease and enjoyed Beethoven pieces
the most. At his first recital, though, his fingers fumbled on more than a few
notes. His eyes grew wide and his shoulders rose. He stopped and sighed, then
he picked up where he’d left off.
After the next
piano lesson, Joshua came home and said, “I don’t want to play anymore.”
I was
towel-drying the dishes. “What? But why?”
“I don’t like
recitals, and the teacher says I have to do them.”
“Then keep
practicing at home and learn on your own.”
Joshua stuck his
head in the refrigerator. “No. I want to learn a new instrument.”
He played a tambourine in our Christian band and later settled on the base
guitar. He never touched a piano key again. That didn’t keep him from listening
to Beethoven, though, right up until he left us.
Father, how I miss listening to music with my
son. How I long to sit near him, saying nothing. In Jesus’s holy name, I’m sad.
Amen.
Reader Journal
~Your Mother Memories~
~Your Prayer of Praise~
~A Scripture of Encouragement~
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