Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Wednesday, June 3rd~God's Mercies after Suicide: Blessings Woven through a Mother's Heart~A Mother's Memories

photo by Jean Ann Williams

Right after Joshua neared the end of his first semester of college, we sat together one evening watching a funny movie.

His shoulders shook in what I thought was laughter. I looked into his face and gasped. “Son, what is it?” My nineteen-year-old’s face distorted with his sobs. I touched his knee. “Please, tell me.”

Catching his breath, he said, “Something’s wrong with me, Mom.”

I grabbed his clammy hand and held it. “What do you mean? Are you sick?”

“Last week, I was driving from the school, and the last thing I remember was stopping for a red light. Then, I was miles down the road, and I don’t remember getting there.” His weeping escalated.

I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. “Shh, shh,” I whispered while my insides trembled in fear for him.

He wiped his face with an arm. “That’s not all. I’m blanking out in class too. I sit down, and before I know it, class is over and I don’t remember anything.”

A knot of fear clenched my stomach. Joshua’s in trouble. I’d heard of this happening to people when they were in extreme stress. We talked for a while, neither one of us willing to leave the other. Then I said, “Son, we’ll talk to your dad tomorrow and tell him what’s going on. Okay?”

Joshua nodded and heaved a sigh. Having turned off the TV long ago, I asked, “Why don’t you get some sleep now?”

The next morning we told Joshua’s dad the problem. He suggested that Jami, Joshua, and I go to a cabin in the mountains for a few days. The fresh air and calm of the woods helped Joshua to rest, but he was also too quiet.

Within a few weeks after our return home, Joshua dropped out of college. This began for him the long road of uncertainty and sorrow.

Dear Lord, as a family we were concerned for our son and brother. We couldn’t imagine how he must have suffered, but we walked that path with him as much as he would allow. In Jesus’s holy name. Amen.

Reader Journal
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