Friday, April 10, 2015

God's Mercies after Suicide: Blessings Woven through a Mother's Heart~Day Six~The Devotion

photo by Jean Ann Williams

But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.”
—Matthew 10:30

On the Monday after Joshua’s memorial service, I had to start an online editing class or drop out.

I told a few family members how glad I was the class was an online one and not in a physical school. They looked shocked. Maybe they wondered how I could think of doing anything so normal that soon after Joshua’s death. In my heart, I thanked the Lord God, for it would be a respite from my reality. Though, there were hindrances I had to overcome.

I had to rise early to begin my editing class. Later in the day my crying spells began and grew worse as night approached, and I couldn’t think straight. Also, I discovered my attention span had shortened to ten minutes in the early grieving days. I pushed myself to expand my time at the computer for this class until I reached twenty minutes. More than that just wasn’t going to happen. My head hurt to concentrate for much longer.

That first day on Monday when I sat at my desk, my mind had to work hard to think, to bring about a string of coherent thoughts.

Maybe my family’s bewildered looks were just what I thought. How could I do something as basic as take a class? Joshua had ended his life six days before in the room next door. I shook my head. With God’s help I can. I turned on my computer—and sighed—relieved for some normalcy.

Father, before I registered for the class, You knew I would need this to keep my mind busy. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’s name. Amen.


  1. I am just now reading thru your Blogs Jean. You are very courageous! Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    1. Thank you, dear friend, for reading about Joshua. I'm tough, but God has made me tougher in order to get through the loss of our son by suicide. There is no doubt.