Monday, July 13, 2015

Monday, July 13th~God's Mercies after Suicide: Blessings Woven through a Mother's Heart~Valentine's Day~Devotion & A Mother's Memories

photo and heart cake by Jean Ann Williams

“O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.”
—Psalm 51:15 KJV

On Valentine’s Day morning I sat alone at the kitchen table after my husband left for work.

I played through my mind last year’s Valentine’s dinner with Joshua. It was the first time my husband and I had gone out to dinner for Valentine’s Day, and we asked Joshua along. He had accepted our invitation.
I believe Joshua knew he would leave us soon. Did he want his dad and me to have the memory of us three eating out at our favorite restaurant? Joshua hated the long wait in line, clear outside to the sidewalk. But once we were seated inside, he relaxed and enjoyed the meal. Of course, he stayed quiet, as was his habit in the few years before his death.
I bowed my head, then, done with remembering. I vowed to spend the day in prayer, Bible reading, and thankful praise for the time we had with Joshua last Valentine’s Day.

Dear Lord, I miss my sweetheart son. I miss our shared meals together. I miss his quiet demeanor. Most of all, I miss his glorious laugh that had grown infrequent in the last years of his life. In Jesus’s holy name, I praise You. Amen.

A Mother’s Memories

Jami placed the cracker near my mouth and said, “Come on, Mom, you have to eat this cracker and one more.”

Nausea covered me, and I turned my face away. “I’ll throw up.”
She sighed and walked over to Joshua. “You heard the nurse. Mom can’t leave until she eats this.”

Joshua held out his hand. “Let me try.” He stood next to the bed. “Mom, you have to eat this silly cracker or they won’t let you out.”
Family members in the room chuckled. Joshua’s way of putting things almost made me laugh, but I couldn’t even smile. Instead, I decided to do what he said, for his efforts.
He held the cracker to my lips. “Open up.”
As I nibbled on the tasteless thing, my family decided to go to lunch. When Joshua didn’t make a move to leave, my husband asked, “Are you coming, Son?”
Joshua shoved his hands in his jeans pocket. “I’m staying with Mom. Gotta make sure she eats the other cracker.”
Ten minutes after they left, the nurse came in and asked if I’d eaten the two crackers. When I nodded, she said, “Do you have a ride, Mrs. Williams?”
Joshua spoke before I could answer, “Yes. I’ll take my mom home.”
After the forty-five-minute drive, Joshua helped me to our sofa. He set down a glass of water to my right and covered me with blankets. He put in a movie, and we were halfway through it when my husband came home. His face was pale from worry. “We went back to get you and you were gone.”
Joshua looked over at his dad. “I took care of her.”

Father, thank You for Joshua’s presence and care for me after my surgery. Thank You for creating my son. In Jesus’s holy name. Amen.

Reader Journal
~Your Mother Memories~
~Your Prayer of Praise~
~A Scripture of Encouragement~

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