I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
—Philippians 4:13 KJV
I pushed the dirt in the deep hole, where it splattered onto Joshua’s urn. “I don’t feel strong,” I responded.
My sister-in-law had just told me this—that I was strong—as she knelt beside and helped me cover Joshua’s urn in the deep, deep hole.
A few minutes before, no one moved after my husband’s prayer. No one wanted to pick up the shovel and begin to cover up what was left of Joshua.
Jami had wrapped the urn in a soft towel, and her dad placed the urn in its resting place. Then, no one moved.
Wanting to be closer to my son, I dropped to my knees and used my hands to scoop dirt over the hole.
Someone said to me in an anxious voice, “You don’t have to do that. We have a shovel.”
I kept scooping. “No, I’ll do it.”
After long moments, I sobbed.
Others above me cried.
With my sister-in-law on one side of me, my son-in-law dropped down on my other side. He pushed dirt with us. As I cried harder, he patted my back and moved the dirt onto the remains of our loved one.
Oh, Lord, the love of family. In Jesus’s holiness. Amen