Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Wednesday, May 20th~God's Mercies after Suicide: Blessings Woven through a Mother's Heart~Devotion~First Overnight with a Granddaughter

Lynsey, all grown up and ready to receive her highschool diploma

“For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.”
—Psalm 71:5

Our granddaughter, Lynsey, asked repeatedly to spend the night with us.

It was her turn in the rotation of Jami’s three daughters. I held off because of my ever-continuing tears. Jami and I spoke of it several times, and I said, “Honey, I don’t want to expose Lynsey to my crying spells. All it’s going to do is upset her. She’s already distressed enough over Joshua’s death.”

Later, Jami called me back after giving Lynsey my message. “Mom, Lynsey told me, ‘It’s okay if Nana cries. It won’t bother me.’”

I agreed to have her spend the night, but was still unsure of how it might affect her.

Lynsey settled into our home for her overnight with Nana and Papa. When I prayed with her at bedtime, I began to cry. Ignoring the innocent response she had given to her mom, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Lynsey, I’m such a crybaby. And I don’t want to worry you that I’m sad.”

Lynsey’s eyes grew determined, and she cupped her hands over mine. “Nana, it’s okay. I always feel better after I’ve had a good cry.”

From the mouth of an eight-year-old.

I became even more determined to shield her from my sorrow. For the rest of the weekend, I prayed for the Lord God to make me strong and to help me not to cry within Lynsey’s hearing. He honored my request.

After a few false starts, I learned to stay in the present when our three granddaughters took their turns for overnights at Nana and Papa’s. We laughed, played board games, and made their favorite foods. Those times with them blessed my husband and me. The children gave us hope for the future—their future. We found in the process that the grandchildren needed our company just as much as we needed theirs. They mourned the loss of their beloved uncle Joshy. I believe the girls saw our sorrow and knew that it was okay to feel this raw feeling of loss.

Father, thank You for giving me a wise granddaughter. She understood tears could cleanse and heal the heart. In Jesus’s name. Amen.


  1. So sorry for your loss. Such a grandmotherly, heartfelt piece. I can relate to your not wanting to cry in front of your grandchildren. I've learned how to block although it doesn't stop the pain.

  2. Kathleen, thank you for reading my book. Did you lose a child? You may write me privately at No, nothing stops the pain, only God can ease it some. God bless you!